Test Drive Meme: The Overflow, Part Deux!

[arielmods]

CITY OF ARIEL: THE TEST DRIVE THE OVERFLOW, PART DEUX! Since the last post is again fast approaching 3k comments and getting laggy for some of our players, we have decided to go ahead and stick up the overflow post, even though there's just a little over a week to game start. Please continue your threads or start new ones here if you'd like. To make this easier on those continuing threads from the last meme, here's a handy form: <small>(<a href="THREAD URL HERE">Continued from here.</a>) between <user name="CHARACTER 1"> & <user name="CHARACTER 2"></small> Response here! Please remember to let your thread partners know you've bumped your threads over here as well! We started the meme early to give you plenty of room to do just that. ◆◆◆◆ With the City of Ariel grand opening only a month away, we are holding our first ever test drive meme. Tag in and see how your character would settle in the game. You're a fresh face in the city, newly processed, and arriving at a bustling time. The city is expanding and you are greeted first in the re-education center by your helpful counselors and then directed out of the building to a large festival. Be puzzled, make friends, have sex, or whatever you want! There are no restrictions on thread types played out here. Your first awareness that something has gone wrong comes during a groggy moment of semi-lucidity when you look around yourself and find that -- instead of wherever you remember being last -- you're in a chair, in a room with a man you don't recognize. He's sitting behind a desk whistling to himself and sorting paperwork. The whole atmosphere might remind you of a high school guidance counselor's office, only with far more comfortable chairs. When your head clears enough to speak and you ask him where you are, he smiles brightly and says, "Welcome to the City of Ariel." You were brought to Ariel during a very special time! There's a large festival going on celebrating the new expansions to the city and everything is decked out for it. Everything is bustling and vibrant in the city today because of the celebrations. There are decorations up, food vendors set up all along the streets, kissing booths, games, and just about anything else you can imagine an event like this would have! The people of Ariel are out and about as well, some are in vibrant costumes and others are just checking out the sights. Some of the more exhibitionist types are even having a little more fun out in public than you may be used to seeing back home. As soon as the grogginess from your arrival passes, you are allowed to leave the re-education center and see it all for yourself. Upon exiting, you are even handed beads of various colors, several of each so you don't worry about running out. Each color has a special meaning listed below: pink - toys blue - oral yellow - watersports green - age play lavender - crossdressing orange - multiples grey - bondage white - hands (mutual masturbation, fingering, handjob) red - blood black - wildcard These are to aid you in making a connection with others. Show your interest in others and tell them exactly what you would like to do with them by sharing the beads. If you would rather take a different approach, feel free to walk around the festival and see what (or who) catches your eye. The point is to relax and get settled in your new home.
TAG IN - Post your character's name, canon, and preferences. - Set up an opener in your comment or leave it blank. - Tag around and have fun!	USEFUL LINKS: [Premise] [Rules] [F.A.Q.] [Locations] [Local Citizens (NPC)] [Taken] [Wanted] [Reserves] [Application] [Main] [Logs] [OOC]

Please note that all CR in this meme can be carried over when the game starts between characters that are accepted into the game.

Threads can also count towards third and first person samples on the application, just provide links.

Take a look at our OOC Meet and Greet post! Meet. Greet. Make friends. Have fun!

Comments

[featherheaded]

[Loki leads, and Thor follows, unsure where they've headed. But it makes little difference to him now.]

I was told. [The walk from the market to the outermost housing area is brief, and Thor minds where they go, an eye kept to where they go. This place is new, the architecture foreign, and this area especially much less grand than even Asgardia's halls, nevermind the keep of ancient Asgard. He would like to return to it, and broods that he can't.] I did not intend to stay long enough to make use of them.

[But still he follows as Loki navigates the place with ease, through the swinging doors of a three-story building: simple, ordinary, small. He follows through doors again and a concrete stairwell, one flight, and to the door along the hall emblazoned with the number "3," that otherwise looks just the same as the rest.]

Here? [Thor somehow doubts the place will be more stately on the other side. He is far from impressed with what they've been given already.]

[forcedreset]

[ thor may not find it impressive, but loki thinks it awfully quaint and cozy, and surely much ritzier accommodations than he is accustomed to, back in asgardia. an entire apartment, all to himself! it has its own kitchenette, its own bathing area, and a television, thor! his very own television!

of course, none of these things matter very much right now. what matters is who stands before him when loki turns and laces his fingers behind his back again. his smile is warm, and he rolls his slim shoulders in an easy shrug. ]

Here, indeed. Now, Thor, you may vent your spleen all you like, if you promise not to knock any holes into my shiny new walls.

[featherheaded]

[He would like to vent, to rage and satisfy this feeling of powerlessness with thrown furniture and broken flesh.]

[But there is only Loki, and Loki's things. And he is not to blame. Probably.]

I have said my piece. [He answers dejectedly, and walks through the too-small apartment slowly, taking it in. There are chairs he would probably break with his weight. He decides on a low couch, plain but wide enough, and falls into it, staring absently at the black screen across from him.]

[It has been a very long day. He takes off his helm, leans his back to look again to Loki, and thinks that at least the day was not all wasted.] Come, brother. Sit with me.

[forcedreset]

[ thor's fire has gone out again, it seems, the volcano spent and cold once more, asleep.

loki does not worry for him. he knows his brother, knows his moods, his tendency to brood, knows that soon enough the mountain will erupt again. it must not be an easy thing for thor, to adjust to all of .. this. his brother loves the mortals, and will ever be protective of their realms, but he is an asgardian at heart and he has never possessed loki's .. adaptability.

though, to be fair, loki's eagerness to embrace this place stems from reasons entirely different from the norm.

at any rate, loki does not like to see his brother sulk, and so he acquiesces. padding across the room, he drops bonelessly onto the sofa and kicks off his boots, then draws his legs up beneath him, and leaning in, he lowers his head, tilts it, peers up into thor's face. ]

You're brooding, Thor.

[featherheaded]

[He looks down his nose at Loki, as if to say that he has every right to brood. But he considers it, considers Loki's sweet face and good intent, and drops a heavy hand on Loki's head, ruffling his hair.]

And you? Do you truly like this place that binds us so? Or was that a lie?

[forcedreset]

[ thor's hand is a heavy comfort against his hair, warm and broad and familiar. and there is something .. something else ..

ah, the influence of this place, no doubt. loki pushes it from his mind. ]

Like? You are too generous, Thor. I said no such thing! Only that it is unwise to judge by surface alone. There is much yet that I do not know, and I'm sure there is very much more to this city than meets the eye.

[ semantics, yes. but hey, this is loki. ]

[featherheaded]

[...That is pretty much exactly what Loki said before, explaining none. Oh, Loki. It seems Thor will not be privy to his true feelings on the matter, or whatever it is he's hiding that he knows. Thor should have expected as much.]

I see.

[His hand in Loki's hair drops to his cheek, and he drags a thumb across the pink skin there before holding fondly at the back of Loki's neck. Loki is Loki. This place is this place, and they are here against it, for good or ill. Thor can't let truths like these bother him.]

[The rage has passed for now. There is tomorrow for it again, and finding the rest of the Asgardians, or else a way there. That leaves tonight for what else than enjoying Loki's company? He is brother, Asgardian, and a familiar comfort in this strange city of foreign technology that puts voices and images into their very heads.]

[His hand tightens on the back of Loki's neck, against the broken skin there, and he dwells on it for only a moment before pulling Loki to him into an embrace again.]

[His well-meaning brother, and this is what they've done. If only it really were a place of pleasure they might enjoy together and not a prison. It might not be so very different from Asgard then.]

[forcedreset]

[ thor is unsatisfied by his answer. loki is not surprised. it is less that he does not trust thor and more that he does not trust this place, and the insidious little chip in his head. who can say who may be listening, who may be watching; the government control here is tight and tighter still, and loki does not want to show his hand too early.

but thor knows him as he knows thor, and he accepts what he is given.

his price, however, seems steep. thor pulls him in again, and what option does loki have but to consent? thor is thor, and even without his godhood he is large and broad and strong. it's all right, though; loki has never been known to scorn his brother's affections, and though thor remains ever stoic loki knows that it must be a very jarring thing, to be here. loki flows like water, conforming to new circumstances with ease, agile and flexible while thor remains stalwart earth, fixed and unmoving, hard and stubborn and unforgiving. it must be a comfort, to have loki close. a reminder of home.

that isn't to say that the feeling is not mutual. loki's skinny arms close around his brother's neck, his small hands closing in his cape, his chin resting easily against the crook of his shoulder. it's an easy embrace, warm, comforting. ]

We will get through this together, you and I. As always. I hope you do not take offense when I say that I am glad to have you here with me.

[featherheaded]

[Comfort, from Loki. Thor never thought he would see this day. He laughs, a deep rumbling sound, and settles his wide arms around Loki's skinny waist.] It is a comfort to us both, then.

[A comfort, yes, though less Loki's sweet words and more his presence, his very existence. They have been so long together that life without his brother seems unnatural and hollow now. And while Thor misses the presence of all his family and friends, it is only Loki he worries for. He has made too many deals with death gods and goddesses, broken too many vows and forged too many enemies. If he is lost to Thor, he is lost to all. If he dies again, there may be no returning him. Least of all in this place, where Thor's powers are withheld from him.]

[For that reason, he must be careful to keep his brother unharmed. And keeping him close seems the best way to do it. The closer he is, the safer he will be.]

[There may be some other forces at work, as well, snaking insidiously into Thor's thoughts and actions through the chip that violates his mind. But if all it has him do is show his brother love, Thor can hardly argue with it. He would do the same otherwise in Asgardia, or any city else.]

[He urges Loki back by large hands on his sides, thumbs pressed to his ribs, until he is held close, but away enough to see and meet his eyes.] By the nature of this city, I am helpless to save you from harm. You must not be reckless here, Loki. Promise me you will be cautious.

[forcedreset]

[ and just as quickly, thor is pressing him back, holding him fast with those big hands of his, looking into his face as if he is an open book that his brother can read, but of course he cannot. loki is written in ancient, ever-changing dialects, old or fabricated languages known only to loki, that none others may read, or ever fully comprehend.

but they try. and thor tries. and loki will give him a little. ]

I am always cautious, brother. Well, almost always.

[ surely he is far more reckless than his former self had been, but he is better for it, perhaps. though in the end it spelled his doom, in the end, it ..

.. ah, well. loki raises his hands and presses them to thor's jaws, caging in his face between his cool palms and skinny fingers and loki's smile is warm, reassuring. ]

I will do the best that I can, here, but you must promise me the same. We aren't in Asgardia anymore, Thor, and you are most inconveniently without your godhood; you cannot go smashing things willy-nilly without first thinking about why you are smashing them.

[featherheaded]

[There are arguments still be made of Loki: how cautious he is that he has landed himself dead, has killed Thor twice, has been nearly killed himself but for Thor's rescue, or that of another's, more than once. He lives recklessly, and he is often clever enough to escape the damages. But here? Here those consequences seem more dire. The words do not reassure, and still Thor worries.]

[But he's given no time to argue, his own accusations turned against him by his ever-slippery brother. And what can Thor do but defend, and turn his attack to the city once again?]

[He sees what you're doing, Loki, even though he follows right along with it.]

Returning to Asgardia, regaining Mjolnir and my power. These are not reason enough? [He takes Loki's hands from his face by one hand and holds them caught between them.] I am our weapon and shield both, here. Stay the player of chess as your prefer. Move the pieces as you like, but keep behind me as you do. Where you are safe.

[forcedreset]

[ ah. thor is not so easily buying what he is selling, this time. he must be very worried indeed.

loki is worried, as well. worried beneath all of the charm and wit and smiles, but it will not do to show it, lest in the process he make himself weak. more often than not, loki's facade exists to keep up his own bravado. but loki worries, yes, because without his godhood who is to say what may become of his brother? loki was born without his powers, he has adapted since the moment he was first brought back to asgard, small and weak amidst powerful giants. one who is born blind adapts far well than one who loses the sight he once possessed.

he stalls, for a moment, his hands curling tightly in thor's grasp. ]

We are at our best when we work together, you and I. Our strengths combined.

[ opening up to thor - there is no point. his brother will only counter him, he will say that he is fine, that he can handle whatever it is that this place can throw at him, thorforce or no thorforce. but can he? loki's mouth sets into a thin line; no, it will not do to doubt his brother. thor will take care of himself, and if not, loki will find a way to save him. ]

But I will do what I can not to put myself in harm's way. You have my word.

[ sorry, thor. but if it comes down to it.. ]

[featherheaded]

Good. [Loki gives his word, and there is nothing else Thor can ask but that. He will find trouble as Loki, in any world or form, is wont to. But that he will try to keep safe... Hopefully it is enough. And if it's not, then Thor will pull him from it, god powers or none.]

[He releases Loki's hands, and brings his own to Loki's cheeks and neck, holds and keeps him close as he closes his eyes and presses their foreheads together. This is only another trial; he must think of it this way. Together, they will overcome. And worry cannot help them. They must stay on guard, press steadily forward. Mjolnir will be regained, and this trial will resolve itself in the end in Thor's favor, as it always does. He's sure of this.]

[forcedreset]

[ it is true; in the end things always work themselves out, equilibrium is reestablished - it's not the results that loki is worried about, it is the sacrifices that will no doubt be made along the way. what will they have to give up, to see this thing through to the end? how irrevocably will they be changed?

but right now there's no use thinking about it. this is a peaceful, private moment, and it does not do to dwell on the what-ifs, or to allow himself to become pessimistic. best to enjoy this for what it is, to soak in his brother's affections while they last. and so loki breathes a warm sigh, his hands bunching in the front of thor's tunic. they shouldn't be this close. loki has not been here long but he understands the influence of this place, the thing in his mind that makes him warm to his brother's touch, the insidious influence that urges him to touch, to press closer. this is a bad idea. but loki is notorious for them. ]

.. Um. Thor?

[featherheaded]

[There is something insidious here. Thor feels it, is aware of it. He's heard the same explanation of it three times now (...or four? Three, he thinks) it feels, though only the last is clear in his head. Pleasure, this place insists upon them. But Thor holds no issue with their goals, only their methods. He would happily give and take pleasure here were they not scattering his people, stealing his strength, and trying to control him. They might have asked.]

[The idea itself he doesn't argue. And so he feels their attempts to control him, and fights the ones that try to keep him tame. He angers when some quiet voice tells him to remain calm, and seeks violence as much as air when images in his mind show serene visions, the chip whispering contentment. Every moment of this, he fights.]

[But the desire for closeness-- The curling want that's in him always here, a priority itching under his skin like never before-- The need to touch and feel and seek pleasure in others-- These things he sees no reason to fight. Not when it's Loki he is urged to be close to, grab and hold, and touch, and still want more of it. They can urge him to this all they like, and Thor would do much the same at home, to some less extent.]

[And since he is bothered by it not at all, he hums in answer to Loki's question, while he distracts himself with kisses to Loki's forehead, his nose, his cheeks, and all the skin of his face but his mouth that he might continue his thought.]

[forcedreset]

[ okay thor, that -

- that's distracting. what are you doing with that mouth, just stop. loki's train of thought is jumping from the rails, set further off course with each successive press of thor's mouth. he's always been close with his brother, but this? is this right? is this something they should be doing? is it just the influence of the chip, and nothing more? loki cannot deny how .. how easy it feels, to be this close with him, how natural, as if they were meant to be this way. it raises so many questions in his mind but he cannot find the focus to address them.

instead he falls silent, his eyelids dropping low, his breath skipping as his body tenses. loki is hyper aware of thor's proximity, of the heat of his body and the strong press of his hands, of the feel of his brother's mouth against his face. without thought loki turns his head to direct thor's kisses along his jaw, toward his ear and throat where he wants them. ]

This is .. ahh .. [ even his voice is tremulous, and loki's words are a sigh, his hands tightening their grip in thor's tunic, loosening again, sliding up his chest toward his shoulders. ] Should we .. ? We should probably --

[featherheaded]

[When it comes to subtlety in words, Thor often misses them, or at the very least, notices and cannot interpret them. But he is creature of physicality, and subtlety in action is so much easier for him to read, to understand. And so when Loki tilts his head in such a way, Thor knows without thought what Loki asks, and answers with warmly-pressed kisses to Loki's jaw, over the thin black fabric of his cowl, kisses pressed against his neck, humming again in a warm breath just below his ear.]

[There is hesitance in Loki's words but none in his body, in the catch of his breath, the urging grip of his hands. He is concerned, but for what? The masters of this city encourage them to this, and if they're both willing to comply, then where is the harm for any of them?]

[One hand at the back of Loki's neck slides up, to take the circlet with it, and place it on the table beside the couch. And then he grips the black fabric at Loki's neck and pulls it away, and Thor nuzzles the skin of Loki's neck below his ear, and kisses there with warm, blunt lips, with the light graze of his teeth.]

Should we? [He repeats Loki's words against his ear, his hands pressing lower, to spread wide over Loki's waist again.] Should we not? What is best? What do you want? [He wants to know, feels some concern-- Loki might know something he does not. And so he asks, but cannot keep his hands from pulling Loki close, keep himself from the taste of Loki's neck. Thor's own opinion is made more than obvious by his actions, he hopes.]

[forcedreset]

[ oh, bother! thor, you're making this very difficult. that cautious little voice at the back of his mind is growing smaller and smaller, thor is muffling it, suffocating it with his mouth and his hands. is he really so okay with this? does he truly have no qualms whatsoever, no thoughts, no hesitances?

of course not, this is thor. thor thinks with his body, and his hands, and that blasted chip in his brain surely isn't helping his already scant inhibitions. it is not that loki does not want this - oh no, surely the chip says otherwise - but there are just so many questions, so many questions, so many questions .. is there something about their relationship that loki is not privy to? something that makes this so thoughtlessly easy for thor? ]

Oh, hang it all.

[ with thor's breath at his ear and throat loki cannot hope to fight it. his arms close tightly around his brother's neck and shoulders, his body urged forward until he is pressed close, until he sits astride his brother's lap. questions will have to wait. there will be time, after.

.. after what? after, well - after they finish with whatever this is. loki doesn't care anymore, he doesn't want to think anymore, he is struggling hopelessly against the tide and it is simply so much easier to swim with the current instead. to adapt, as he is so accustomed to doing. at the very least he is with thor, he is warm and he is safe; there is no other he can think to ever want to be so close with, except perhaps .. ah, no, no, loki stamps that train of thought immediately, grinds it out and shuts his eyes, pressing himself flush to his brother's body. ]

Do what you will, Thor. Damn me, but this is what I want.

[featherheaded]

[As Loki settles in his lap, Thor groans against his neck, and his hands press over Loki's waist to his hips, as he adjusts and settles and enjoys the feel of Loki's shifting weight against him.]

[But he's worried by Loki's words. Not worried enough to stop, but enough to ask. He keeps Loki close with his hands, but leans his face away to watch Loki through lidded eyes.] You're concerned.

[He's so used to that time long ago, when it didn't matter what was between them. Hatred, pain, distrust, guilt. Still there was sex. There has always been a strong connection between them, even young. And now Loki is young again, but he is Loki still. And there is obviously love between them, and a trust that had never been. They should be closer than ever now. Is Thor assuming what he should not?]

Why? What bothers you? [And though he tries to calm himself and pull away, still Thor finds himself bringing a hand to Loki's face, tracing Loki's cheek fondly with his thumb. For all he thinks it, he can't seem not to touch. But in truth, he's not trying terribly hard. He does love his brother, wants always to be this close to him.]

[forcedreset]

[ and so thor still possesses the wherewithal to pull back, to rein himself in - perhaps he is more resistant to the chip's influence than loki had earlier thought. good.

.. though that leaves him in the sticky situation of explaining himself. maybe it would have been better if thor had simply thrown caution to the wind. as it stands, loki's eyes are wide and large when he lifts them to thor's face, far more innocent than they have any right to be. loki does not want to hesitate, does not want to overthink this but he cannot help it, it seems. it is in his nature to dissect all things. ]

I am not bothered, Thor. I only -

[ err, how to explain this? loki's brows furrow, his eyes drop again and he turns his face into his brother's palm. he is grateful for this closeness, for this thing that seems like trust, more grateful than he could ever put into words - so then why does he hang back? why does he hesitate? ]

- what is this thing? What are we, Thor?

[featherheaded]

[The warmth of Loki's lips against his palm is a welcome tease, and Thor wishes to put his hands to better use, and feel those warm lips against his own instead of his hand. But there are words between them still to be said, that must be said. No urging would be enough to cause his young brother harm now. Not even in this way, with pleasure he may not be sure of.]

We are brothers. [Thor answers Loki's inquiry simply, as it seems a simple thing to him - the years, the centuries of brotherhood, and enmity, and conflict. They are rivals, and lovers, and brothers in arms. They are Thor and Loki.]

[And though Loki now does not remember the details, he knows of his past self's history, must know from stories how they fought, and fought together in days long past. More importantly, they love now. Is that not enough reason to pursue these emboldened feelings?]

We are what we have always been, will always be. What is there to question?

[forcedreset]

[ it is an easy thing, for thor to say. thor who knows all, who has seen all, who knows things about loki, and his past, that even loki himself does not know. he is still so new to everything, still so new to thor; he does not remember the fighting, the loving, the rivalry - he knows only what he has known since he was brought to this plane again. this, and what vague memories still haunt him like old dreams. of course thor can speak with such certainty. loki is still not entirely sure.

but his brother is not wrong. somewhere in the pit of his stomach thor's words sink, catching hold and taking root. he is right, of course. the simplest answer is often the correct one. they are what they are, they are thor and loki, closer than any other beings, bound forever by the strings of the norns.

at last he finally relaxes, the weak hint of a wry smile tugging up the corner of his mouth. ]

Nothing at all.

[ loki is still uncertain. he is still hesitant, but he will move forward, must move forward, must explore this new thing that is opening up before him - and who better to lead him in this adventure than his brother? he who loki loves above all else? and so before thor can think to counter him loki tips his chin up, he leans in and presses their mouths together in a kiss that is warm and sealing, while terror grips him hard in the belly. what is he even doing? this is going to be a disaster - ]

[featherheaded]

[With Loki, there's always the likelihood that he is lying. It sounds enough like a lie now, to be so easily persuaded by blunt, uncomplicated words. But he is resolved, it seems, to let his worries lie. And Tho could not refuse his kiss in even the best circumstances - much less now, here, where ever touch makes his blood warm, where when they touch, it only makes the feeling grow by bounds.]

[Loki's lips are warm and soft as he'd expected, smooth and unbroken. He's still so young, again. Made new. Thor's hand holds his neck, thumb sliding from his cheek to his ear as he holds his head where he likes it, tilts his own and opens his mouth to encourage Loki to more, using parted lips and tongue to deepen their kiss.]

[His other hand falls to Loki's thigh and grips it, moving just enough beneath him to slide them together, to feel the shift of Loki's weight against his lap.]

[Loki may be unsure still, but Thor has confidence enough for him. He will show his love by his actions, until there is no room for doubt left in Loki's mind, or thought at all.]

[forcedreset]

[ loki may still be uncertain, but thor's kiss serves well to drive the clouds of his doubt away.

it is not loki's first kiss, but hel if it isn't the most intense. with leah, everything had been new, explorative - there had been fumbling and awkwardness and fun but this is none of those things. thor is far older, far more experienced, and from the very beginning his kiss takes loki's breath away. all at once the tension leaves his body, he slumps and shudders and yields sweetly, easily, without hesitation. thor guides him and coaxes him and loki has no choice but to submit because there is no refusing him, no refusing this.

and so his soft lips part easily beneath his brother's, his mouth opens obediently to the probing of thor's tongue and by the nine what a feeling it is. hot and slick and terribly wicked, and before loki can stop himself he whines into it, his face flushed hot as fire, his body supple and moving easily beneath thor's guiding hands. loki's thighs slip easily against thor's narrow hips until their bodies fit together and oh no, oh hel this is .. it's .. ]

[featherheaded]

[It's good, the feeling of their tongues sliding together, the feel of Loki moving against him, and Thor's grip tightens, his breath rushes at the sound Loki makes. It's a weakness he has: weak to all of Loki, but especially his voice. Higher now than it was, but just as smooth, as silvered, even unbidden as it seems to be now.]

[And Thor wonders through the searching kisses, as he pulls Loki down with a hand on his thigh and rolls his own hips up-- what of this is new. Loki is young, and sheltered in some ways, but he has done things since his reincarnation that Thor would not have dreamed had he not been told of them. What does he know? What does he remember? What does he expect? Thor finds himself anxious to discover the answers to all, whatever they are. He has always known his brother, but he is different now. And there is still more to learn.]

[He kisses only for now, and enjoys the kissing, the way his brother yields to his pressing tongue. As he does, his drags his hands over Loki's body, pressing fingers against the fabric of his tunic to feel the shape of his chest, his ribs, his waist, and hips beneath. There is too much clothing between them, and armor as well that separates them, that dampens the feel. But for now, he satisfies himself with this.]